The service started with great songs.. Everyone goes wild and indulged in the atmosphere.. I just couldn't go as free as I can.. *shy* so I just clapped hands and sang aloud.. sometimes the lyrics in the song mirror my feelings or the wordings that I couldn't express out.. or maybe is the Word of God to m3.. so I will sob in silence by my own in the church but today every members in the house weeped exaggeratedly.. I am a bit shocked with the whole situation.. I weeped too but I didn't gather around Pastor Mike.. according to my church friends the "ghost" pastor was helping to remove all the griefs in their heart and transforming them into a positive people.. I seriously do not believe in the Lord of Christ as I am not a Christian.. I won't be a Christian unless in the future my partner in my life is a Christian.. I am a Buddhist but not the faithful one.. I do pray and hope God will hear my whispers and encountered everything in my life.. I had gone through a lot of sadness throughout my life though there were events that cheer me up.. Some wounds in my heart aren't totally heal but I just suppressed them deep into my heart.. Some bad memories that I force myself to forget.. Today, I opened up my heart and whispered to God and hope He will take all away from me.. Sexual harassment (not really that serious) stains my memory, I didn't told anyone including my parents.. People ashamed me in front of the public, I dislike them and hope to revenge one day.. I am so selfish that I want everything good happen on me.. I got hurt easily and I covered up my feelings with a wall and making myself in depression mode.. I dislike pretentious people.. I narrowed down my perceptions towards friends.. I walked away from people to dilute all the misunderstandings.. I like to gossip about people as I jealous them.. I spend my money unwisely.. I am stress with my studies.. I am unhappy with the results that I have been blessed for.. I am terrified that I couldn't do well in my finals and everyone will tease at me and most importantly I disappointed my parents.. I shouted at my parents when they were educating me.. I quarreled with my siblings while I am the one that should take care of them.. I just being too nice.. I do not want rejection happen on people so Y-E-S / O-K would be my answers for them while I feel so uncomfortable.. Everything that happened on me, I will take my own responsibility to resolve them.. Conflicts arise when there are no resolutions.. I walked all the way alone in my grief.. now I want to walk together with God and let Him heal all my wounds in my heart.. *I will not convert to Christian*
I suppressed all in my fragile heart.. is the matter in which angle I want to review them.. If I take them easy and do not tense too much, everything will just be fine.. I am now blessed with people that willing to help me.. Thanks for all the blessings.. I appreciate!
Ps Mike was praying for this girl who injured her legs..
Dance My Love (next week service)
Pastor Mike Connell
Pastor Mike Connell
People in the house were praying for the girl..
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